Eviction Update

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

UNBELIEVEABLE!!!!

Today is the last day that "Stephan" has to go to see a lawyer before we get evicted tomorrow and my dad chose today to go to the union to see if they can get him a free lawyer.
After all this time, now he decides to ask them if they can help instead of doing it when "Alex" told him so.
If they say no to helping us and dad doesn't make it in time before it's 2pm, "Stephan" is not going to the court in Jamaica in Queens to get a lawyer because they close at 5pm and he thinks it will me to many people there.

December 31, 2010

WOO-HOO!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR AND BEST WISHES FOR 2011!!!

December 25, 2010

My brother got a gift from his friends.
Alcohol! and a Mets ski cap.
The genius that he is gave Shea (My Cat) a drop of it and she actually lick it since it was mixed with milk.
He did it again and she licked it again.
I'm just glad she didn't get affected by it.

December 24, 2010

MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HANUKKAH, HAPPY KWANZAA, AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS to everyone!

Wishing you love, happiness, and best wishes for next year!


Lyrics | Ella Fitzgerald lyrics - Baby, It's Cold Outside lyrics

December 23, 2010

I find it amazing how judgemental and ignorant people are.
The ladies of The View discuss on Wednesday about a nun who helped a doctor abort baby to save the mother.
The Doctor and staff realized there was no way to save the mother and baby.
Since the mother has four children, they knew the mother had to be saved for those kids.
So the nun helped the doctors abort the baby and the ladies of The View agreed that the nun did the right thing and so do I.
But, of course, the Church could care less about the mother's life, because aborting a child no matter what happens to the mother, a child's life means more.

Funny, how they care so much about babies being aborted but they don't care about the children who get molested by their priests.

Anyway, some loser guy name Bill attack the ladies in The View by email for what they said, today they talked about it.
The idiot doesn't even watch the show, so he didn't see and hear the whole story, but yet felt the need to judge them.
What the hell!
What happened to that saying you guys have in the bible.

"Those without sin cast the first stone".

December 21, 2010

We went to the wake of "Alex" and "Stephan's" childhood friend.
It was very emotional.
I babysat my nephew Lil "Ron", because his parents did not want him to see the body.
My Dad went to the city and almost didn't make it when "Alex" came to pick us up.
He was pissed that he was late.
He thought he was inconsiderate.
Lil "Ron" sat on my lap during the ride there and back because there was no room.
I didn't feel any emotion during the wake because I only knew the guy when I was a child.

December 20, 2010

I knew it, I was right!
Annie's going to lose it more and more to the point you know she's going after Marissa in the end.
I read the spoilers for this week and next week.
I'm so pissed!
If Annie ends up in Oak Haven, Prison, or Dead.
I'm never watching AMC again!

December 19, 2010

I will be ranting now because it's the only thing keeping me from banging my head against the wall.
My dad doesn't seem to grasp the seriousness of the situation.
He keeps making the same frustrating mistakes over and over again.
He keeps applying for Housing which is like trying to win the Lottery, you'll get lucky if you win.
Now, he wants to get a lawyer during the holidays.
Yeah, that's going to be soooo easy!
We have two weeks left to move and we don't have anywhere to go except "Alex's" basement.
My dad wants "Stephan" to get a lawyer but he is not responsible for the rent and his name is not on the lease.
My dad is and he has to be the one to go.
I'm going to die from all this stress.
"Alex" doesn't help matters himself since he seems to think "Stephan" and I have magical powers.
Like we can Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo our dad to do whatever we say.

ARGH!

December 17, 2010

Congrats to the Gay Community for your victory.
Having Congress remove "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is a great victory indeed.
That law never made any sense to me.
It didn't make any sense at all for some people to say that having it abolish is an distraction to the other troops.
How the hell does someone who is Gay/Lesbian keep you from protecting us from the terrorists?

Anyway, doesn't matter because history was made and I'm glad for it!

December 16, 2010

My brother "Alex" called "Stephan" to tell him some bad news.
An childhood friend of theirs' died tonight.
He was 38 and he and his wife just had a baby girl.
We don't know how he died.
I've known this man since I was a child even though I was not close, I am very sorry for his families loss.
My brothers are saddened by his loss and so is "Edgar".

REST IN PEACE!

December 16, 2010

The library today was weird and funny.
The computers were all screwed up and I was lucky enough to sign in before all hell broke loose.
Then, I noticed that the computer wouldn't sign me off like it's suppose too.
So I got to be on the computer for an hour and nine minutes.
You can only get an hour, nothing more and I couldn't sign off, so I shut it off and let the guy next to use the computer turn it on himself.

December 15, 2010

Damnation to the writers of All My Children for bringing Crazy Annie back.
I was hoping that Annie would get the happy ever after she always wanted, but nnnooo, they have her stalking JR and Marissa on their Christmas, destroying her hotel room, breaking the gift JR got for Marissa, and now next week she's going to tell JR that she loves him and I know that from past experiences that JR would reject just like Ryan did and she's going to go after Marissa like she did with Ryan and Greenlee.

December 12, 2010

Well, he paid it and she accepted it.
So now we have to move at the 31st.

December 11, 2010

EUREKA!

My dad won $2,500 from the Lottery tonight.
Tomorrow, he's going to pay the rent and that will give us time to move.

December 10, 2010

Well, my brother is not giving us the rent, but he told us we still can fight this.
Monday, "Stephan" and dad are going to get a lawyer and I'm to stay here to protect the fort.
"Alex" says we can at least get two more months or 6 months.
Father has to stop waiting for housing and get a regular apartment.

GOD HELP US IF HE/SHE EXISTS!

November 30, 2010

Today is the Eviction and I'm sick to my stomach.
"Stephan" and dad went to court yesterday to file for a stay eviction order.
We have to go to court on December 6(Monday).
"Stephan" needs to find a lawyer.

UPDATE

"Stephan" and Dad went to court and I'm afraid to know what happened.
I'm freaking out because they came home at 11:30 am and the time to be at the court began at 9:30 am.
That's so not good.

We have to move on the 31st of December, or by this Friday if my dad doesn't pay rent on that day.

He asked my brother "Alex" for the rent which is $900 bucks and it looks like he won't do it.
He blames us for not making our father more responsible with his money, if you ever have the unfortunate time to spend with my dad you would know that it is impossible to do so.
My dad has the emotion of an toddler, the responsibility of an teenager, and the rules of adulthood mentality.

We are homeless until we can get $900 dollars to save us!

November 25, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving !!!

To everyone, their families, friends, loved ones, and the military men and women.

November 24, 2010

Happy Birthday Mom!
We love and miss you dearly.

"She was such a good loving mother, my best friend;Oh, who were happier than I when I could still say the dear name "Mother", and it was heard, and whom can I say it to now?".

-Ludwig von Beethoven

November 18, 2010

Oh My God!

One last week to go before we have to move and we have not found a place to live.
We're so screwed!

November 15, 2010

The only horror film that ever really freaked me out was "The Exorcist".
I was 5 years old when my dad called me to check out something they were showing on the TV that he wanted me to see.
The minute I walked up to the living room, BAM, the infamous scene when her head spins completely around is the only thing I saw from that movie because I ran to my room and my dad was laughing.
I am still scar for life.
I can't even see one picture of that character without shutting my eyes tight and walk away.
My brother "Stephan" always tortures me about it.

November 12, 2010

Some people seem to think that Annie (played by Melissa Claire Egan in All My Children) is a train-wreck, bloodsucker, and gold digger.
I see something else.
Yes, she married Adam for money and fame.
I think in my opinion when she married Scott she wanted to forget her feelings for JR.
She thought that if she was with Scott all her feelings for JR would disappeared.
Annie (I think) is terrified to love again because of Ryan.
With Ryan she was so deeply in love she could not bare to live without him that she went crazy.
I think she's afraid of history repeating itself.
What if JR does not love her or doesn't love her enough, she could lose it again.
Annie has always been abandon by people she loved.
From her parents banishing her from their life to Terry being a sick freak than Ryan coming to her rescue thinking she found her prince charming to only losing him to another woman. Of course, she does have her faults, I mean, she did use Aidan to break free from Oak Haven and she did also kill Erica.
Her brother I believed deserved what he got for what he did to her when she was a child.
To be fair she did stay long enough in Oak Haven to be cured.
When things blew up with Adam and Scott she could have gone on a killing spree.
I say she has changed and deserves another chance.
Amanda even hit it straight on the nose when she told Annie that she loved JR.
I hope JR feels the same way because I believe they are soul mates.

November 11, 2010

Remembering the soldiers who fought and still are for our freedom.

"As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for thou art with me."

November 4, 2010

I was watching Private Practice and the episode tonight was about a character who was brutally rape.
The actress who portrayed said character was recently on The View discussed about the episode and my brother "Stephan" who saw it said that some of the women on The View seemed to have a problem with the episode being so graphic and violent.

But it's the truth in a way!
Rape is cruel, brutal, vicious, and sickening.
It's time for rape victims to be heard and not to be ignored!

Rainn

October 31, 2010

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!


In the blink of an eye, you might suddenly feel

That your world's been invaded by all things unreal.

They slink up behind you, and don't make a sound,

But there's nothing to fear...if you don't turn around.

In the pit of your stomach there rests a device

That can calculate how fast your blood turns to ice;

It measures the temperature nightmares will start,

Then divideas it by beats of a terrified heart.

At the foot of your bed lies a blanket of fear,

You might think it's quite safe, but it's always quite near.

When its steel-woolen quilting wraps 'round you one night,

You will learn that it's not only bedbugs that bite.

At the top of the stairs there's an attic I've found,

That remained even after the house was torn down,

And it's filled with cobwebs of lonely old dreams,

Which have grown into nightmares that swing from the beams.

At the mouth of a cave lives a shadow of doubt;

If you dare to go in, will you ever come out?

Are there creatures who lurk where it's too dim to see?

Can you hear when they move? Are you scared yet? (Who, me?)

At the edge of the earth flows a river of fear,

And it pours into space day by day, year by year.

As you shoot the cold rapids, and stray far from shore,

Do you notice your lifeboat has just lost an oar?

In the eye of the storm stands a ghost of a chance,

And around her all spirits are destined to dance.

She turns a cold gaze toward an unlucky few-

Don't dare to look now, for she's staring at you.

At the end of the world stands a giant steel door,

And what lies beyond it, nobody's quite sure...

Is it crystal-clear heavens, or night blazing hot,

And which is more frightening: knowing or not?

In the face of the future we fly on our own,

Hoping our wings never turn into stone.

If you fall from that sky to the sea, will you drown?

Well, there's no need to worry...unless you look down.

At the back of your mind, there's a hole open wide,

Where the darkness is creeping in from the outside.

You can light rows of candles to cast the dark out,

But it's always there hiding...

...in shadows of doubt.


SHADOWS OF DOUBT

BY: NEAL SHUSTERMAN

October 26, 2010

I was watching The View and they discussed about an female politician from Nevada who came out with an ad about immigration.
Her ad, she has it where illegal immigrants are coming to America joining gangs, sale drugs, and committing crimes, and they are all portrayed to be Hispanics on the ad.
Everyone thinks it's racist and so do I, but "Stephan" doesn't care because we're not Mexican, so it doesn't affect us.
I disagree because no matter what race, sex, beliefs, and/or sexual orientation no one deserves to be attack.

October 22, 2010

Congrats to Texas Rangers for their amazing win against the Yankees.
Okay now, I'm going to be immature right about now...

TEXAS RANGERS AND THEIR FANS CAN ALL BITE ME!!!

October 15, 2010

I cannot believe my brother "Stephan".
He agrees with Bill O'Reilly when he said on The View about Muslims killing us on 9/11.
"Stephan" said that "during the attack the news played videos of the Muslims from the other countries (I can't remember which ones) cheering because of the attack shows they all wanted us dead".
I told him that you are going to have to blame Christians for KKK and Hitler because they killed in the name of their religion.
"Stephan" said it's not the same since it happened in New York!

October 11, 2010

I was so excited when Annie and JR(All My Children) had sex again. I sooo badly want them to be together.
They are perfect for each other.
The chemistry is so hot and intense.
Emma and AJ would be brother and sister if their parents got married which would be incredible.
Annie and JR are soul mates.
Hell, the reason I even started watching the soap was because of those two characters, hoping they would be together.

October 5, 2010

LOL, Another funny event happened at the Library.
I was sitting in between an young woman and an older man.
The young woman cell rang and she picked it up and answered it.
She was speaking so loudly to her mother that the older man shouted to her "Take the call outside, this is a library not a phone booth."
She spoke back with an attitude "Can you ask nicely?."
He repeated it again without yelling, but he gave her an attitude.
She said "My God" with a whiny tone in her voice.
The Librarian intervene and told the lady to speak softly on the cell.
She hanged up and I tried so hard not to laugh.
Then when I was heading home, the same man spoke to an Asian Librarian about how someone was using the computers four times and how it's not fair to other people and that person needs to have one of the library cards she or he has removed because you are only allowed to use the computer twice and apparently someone was using two library cards so he/she can use it for times instead of two.

October 4, 2010

Today was a day of death!
My father, brothers, and I went to the wake of one of Alex's" friends father.
It's also my mother's anniversary of her death.
This poem is dedicated to my mom and the Torres' family!

Spirits of the Dead
(1827)
by Edgar Allan Poe
(1809-1849)

Thy soul shall find itself alone
'Mid dark thoughts of the grey tomb-stone;
Not one, of all the crowd, to pry
Into thine hour of secrecy.
Be silent in that solitude,
Which is not loneliness–for then
The spirits of the dead, who stood
In life before thee, are again
In death around thee, and their will
Shall overshadow thee; be still.

The night, though clear, shall frown,
And the stars shall not look down
From their high thrones in the Heaven
With light like hope to mortals given,
But their red orbs, without beam,
To thy weariness shall seem
As a burning and a fever
Which would cling to thee for ever.

Now are thoughts thou shalt not banish,
Now are visions ne'er to vanish;
From thy spirit shall they pass
No more, like dew-drop from the grass.

The breeze, the breath of God, is still,
And the mist upon the hill
Shadowy, shadowy, yet unbroken,
Is a symbol and a token.
How it hangs upon the trees,
A mystery of mysteries!

Oct 1, 2010

Argh! That woman is such a bitch!

My dad made me give her the rent money and she completely ignored me.
I knocked on the door until my hand hurt and I even rang the bell.
Nothing.
My dad made me come upstairs.
She is always doing this.
Every time we knocked on her door, she would ignored us.
I know she was there, since the TV was on and I heard someone walking around.
I also heard dishes being moved.

Sep 27, 2010

I have to go to court with dad for the eviction.
Looks like there is no God since we are fucked up.
My dad fucked up!
He agreed to Nelly's lawyer contract.
This is the verdict he agreed on:

1. We got until Nov 30Th to move out.

2. He has to pay rent for October.

3. She gets to keep the security deposit.

He should of just bend over while at it.
If he wants an extension, she gets to waive the agreement that he (Dad) has to pay the two rents for August and September.
In the contract, she is willing to let go of those two months as long as my dad agreed to the terms of the contract, I mentioned, but if he asks for that extension, she can waive the agreement about those two rents.

We are fucked!

Sep 17, 2010

Fucking Asshole!
Whiny Bitch,I can't stand him.
AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

My rant for today because my brother "Stephan" is a jackass who thinks he can boss me around whenever he feels like it.
I was making a sandwich and he demanded I get his food container, I said "Wait a minute", and he yelled at me saying "I want it now".

Asshole!

Did I mention....

I forgot to mention that today the crazy bitch landlady Nelly gave us court papers.
My dad has to go to court on Sep 27Th to fight for us to stay for 6 months rent free so we have time to move.
Not only does she also want us to leave, but she also wants my dad to pay the rent he owns her for two months.

Sep 16, 2010

I'm going to a job application for a BJ'S store.
Wish me luck!

I went and the place was as pack as a stadium full of fans.
It took forever, I apply for applications, I had an interview that I know I tank.
Then when I got home, I was in the middle of an tornado.
It was so bad that my umbrella broke and I was soak through my jacket and clothes.
Trees were falling everywhere.
I had to run to a corner and cover my head because tree branches were hitting me.
A man told me to come into his office so I will be safe.
I waited until the storm lessen before I walked home in the freaking rain.

Sep 11, 2010

Remembering those who lost their lives and the families who are still suffering cut-deep pain.
We will never forget!

Annabel Lee
by: Edgar Allan Poe

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of ANNABEL LEE;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea;
But we loved with a love that was more than love-
I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsman came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me-
Yes!- that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we-
Of many far wiser than we-
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride,
In the sepulchre there by the sea,
In her tomb by the sounding sea.

Sep 6, 2010

Looks like dad was wrong.
"Alex" did show up today with Lil "Ron" to talk about Aunt "Gloria". She is at the hospital because she was bleeding internally and they needed to operate on her tomorrow.
Also, he came to talk about our eviction.

Sep 5, 2010

My dad takes it very personal when "Alex" doesn't come over.
We all have been contacting him because of the eviction, to ask for help and he hasn't come over to talk.

My dad thinks "Alex" doesn't care about us and in his words "We don't have to care about him".
He even said if he ever won a million dollars from the lottery,"Alex" won't get a dime.

It's like he quotes from those Mob movies or something, you know how they say:

"Never go against the family".

Sep 3, 2010

10 am

I had a dream about a Succubus.
There was this woman who is a Succubus and she was draining the life force and mentality of men.
It is her way of feeding (like a vampire) and she would do this while having sex with them and then get pregnant, give birth, and if the child possess no succubi, she abandons them and keep the ones that do.

Some of the men are killed because she takes too much and the others are left mentally-challenged.
There is a female detective investigating the murders.
The people of the small towns are covering up the secret of this murderer.

Anyway, usually when I dreams I write them into stories.
You can read them on another blog of mine.

www.jessicanovels.blogspot.com

Aug 31, 2010

It's Doomsday!

Today is the Eviction!

My father wrote a notice in Spanish, that she cannot kick us out without taking us to court first.
He put the notice on the outside of our door.

So far no war!

Aug 30, 2010

It's so unfair and frustrating that celebs can get away with anything and yet the average Joe gets punished.
When Chris Brown had his little "cry" on the BET Awards singing "Man in the Mirror" by Michael Jackson.People forgave him so quickly, if it had been a normal guy (his age) and he cried his little heart out, people would be throwing stones.
Look at Lindsey Lohan. If it was a normal woman (her age) he would get 5 years maybe more.
Someone has to change the laws and treat celebs just like us.
Stop with the special treatments!

Aug 30, 2010

One more day until Eviction...



My dad ate from the bowl I feed Shea her cat food in. He didn't even notice that it's her bowl.

Aug 29, 2010

Two more days till all hell breaks loose...

Aug 20, 2010

If you don't read any new posts is because:

1-Nothing New

2-We are either homeless and/or moved and there isn't a library nearby.

Since I don't have a computer and no internet service(Can't afford either) I always go to the library next door.
But since we have to leave,I might not live near a library and I will have no money to get a metrocard to travel to one.

So this might be farewell for now!

I hope not :(

Crossing fingers for a library nearby x

Aug 15, 2010

"Stephan" told me a very funny story about his best friend "Edgar".
"Edgar's" wife "Daisy" cooked some BBQ chicken and "Edgar" asked "Stephan" Do you think she will notice if I take one?
"Stephan" said Don't do it? I'm telling you she will know.
"Edgar" said Nah, she won't notice.
So he took one and pushed the other chickens together so she won't notice one is missing.
After he ate it, they sat on the sofa in the living room.
"Stephan" was sitting facing "Edgar" when "Daisy" yelled, Who ate a chicken? She walked up to them.
They both were trying so hard not to smile, so not to give themselves away.
It took "Edgar" bursting out laughing for "Stephan" to laugh so hard he was crying!

I love this song(Sound of Pulling Heaven Down by Blue October)

Somewhere, far away from here,
I saw stars, stars that I could reach...(yeah)
It was a midnight, a silent twilight,
Fell down, beyond the ocean beach...(yeah)

I assemble all the sand that cover wedding beaches,
To build a castle so your mom would have a place to stay.
Behind the water slide and down the hill where heaven reaches,
Land and time is left to float away.(yeah)

So rest assured I have the key to every opening,
To every wishing well that's deep enough to dream. (dream)
I want to show you just how fascinating kissing is
When earth collides with all the space between...(yeah)

I'm reaching farther than I ever have before,
Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore.
I may be some sort of crazy,
We may be some sort of crazy,
But I swear on everything I have and more...

So never look behind you, spooky people bring you down.
The world is ending there's a party by the bay.
I'll wear my suit and tie, we're eye to eye,
toasting to the way you put that smile upon my face...(yeah)

Fill up the air balloon and ride with me.
Yeah, hell is jealous of the rain...(rain)
Make love like time and space is ending,
While befriending fate's alluring way of putting us to shame.

I'm reaching farther than I ever have before,
Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore.
I may be some sort of crazy,
We may be some sort of crazy,
But I swear on everything I have and more...

You make the sound of pulling heaven down.
You brought the rain's romantic pour...
You make the sound,
You make the sound,
Of pulling heaven down...

I'm reaching farther than I ever have before,
(God I've reached the top)
Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore.
I may be some sort of crazy,
We may be some sort of crazy,
But I swear on everything I have and more....
(go, go, go, go)

I'm reaching farther than I ever have before,
(Tired of wasting time)
Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore.
(Tired of wasting time)
I may be some sort of crazy,
We may be some sort of crazy,
But I swear on everything I have and more...
(go, go, go, go)

I love this song(Overweight by Blue October)

Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?
I walk as far as they need to recover
For how long? (ha!)

I want to carry a piece of who I was before
So when I hit the wall, I really hit the wall
I want to tear away the death again
A whiter shade of fucking meth again
I want to stick to clues, I want to come unglued
I want to shape the world to fit the way you move
Oh, should I listen for a dress size?

I owned up, I've grown up, do you remember me?
I showed up and so what if I'm the used to be
I'm here to tell you that I'm sorry I was sorry
But I'm happy that you're happiness is no longer about me

Trade rules, switch sides for your beautiful eyes
Let him be you through your beautiful cries
Let him hold you up so you can touch affordable skies
Live your life just like a dream
Without the pain of goodbyes
Goodbye!

Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?
I walk as far as they need to recover
For how long?

I been a drunk disrespectful little street punk
Unlock the back of my trunk
You see, you take this bat
And bash my head into the street again
No-ones around so I keep beating it

Pull my hair back, look me in the eye
There's a self-destructive meaning in the bleeding of a guy
It's the guilt of what reality has given me
Making sense of all mistakes and my stupidity
And when you're sick you seem to think
You've failed eternally

And that the people you let in are only crumbling
When you're sick of thinking life in this recovery
When my decision paved the road
That lies in front of me

So to my friends that even call but I don't call back
I want you deep inside my heart upon a hill
It seems to hide sometimes and run away and wonder
I'm really sick of saying sorry but I will

Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?
I walk as far as they need to recover
For how long?

But are we scared to take the ride?
Or dare to look inside?
I'm floating far away (far away)
I'm floating far away (leaving home)
I'm floating far away (so far away)
I'm floating far away

I want to learn to walk with others as an equal
I want to treat the ones who love me with respect
I want to tell the world I'll give them all a piggyback
And try to take away my negative effect
I want to kiss the girl, I know I'll never lie again
I want to call my dad and tell him that I care
I want to let my brother know
He saved my life a thousand times
Throughout the years he's been my friend
Who's always there

Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?

I love this song(Hate Me by Blue October)

I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape, to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
and will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
and will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space


Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things i didnt do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you


I'm sober now for 3 whole months, it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind



Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you


And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hands
And then I fell down yelling "make it go away" just make a smile
Come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How could you do this to me?"


Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you.


For you
For you
For you

I love this song(Ugly Side by Blue October)

I must have sneezed, on knees I freeze
I mean, I just choked up
But somehow I slept, I dream, I mean
I dreamt of nothing

I'm able to breathe a sweet relief
Now that you're here for me
A northern degree dove into me
Now I'm recovering

I only want you to see
My favorite part of me
And not my ugly side
And not my ugly side, ugly side

So hook up a C.B
Wave a way for conversation flow
I'm shoved in your cage, to wage this rage
Don't let me go

A kick and a scream
Is all that seems to mean a lot, thus far
Yeah, I won't let you on my stage, my page
You can't know, yet you have to know

And that I only want you to see
My favorite part of me
And not my ugly side
And not my ugly side

I only want you to see
My favorite part of me
And not my ugly side
And not my ugly side

So calm, ohh ooh
And it's so calm

And now it's dark
I look for you to light my heart
I'm between the moon and where you are
I know I can't be far

I love this song(My Never by Blue October

Will you think of me,
In time?
It's never my luck,
So nevermind.
I wanna say your name,
But the pain starts
again,
It's never my luck,
So nevermind.

Chorus:
I had a dream that you were with me ,
It wasn't my fault,
You rolled me over,
Flipped me over,
Like a somersault.
And that doesn't happen to me.
I've never been here before.
I saw forever in my never,
And I stood outside her
Heaven.

Will you wait for me,
In time,
It's never my luck,
So I'll say nevermind.
And I've lost a lot of what I
Don't expect to ever return.
I tend to push them 'til the pushing's gone from
hurtin' to burn,
I always take them to that place i thought they wanted
To go.
Than end up dancing 'round,
This clown commands
Applause at a show.....

Chorus:
I had a dream that you were with me,
And it wasn't my fault.
You rolled me over,
Flipped me over,
Like a somersault.
And that doesn't happen to me,
I've never been here before.
I saw forever in my never,
And I stood outside her
Heaven.
Her heaven.
Inside her heaven. Her heaven.....


And I could only dream of you and sleep,
but I'll never see sunlight again.
I can try to be with you,
but somehow I'll end up just losing a friend.
I can only reach for you,
Relate to you.
I'm losing my friend.
Where did she go?
Where?

Chorus:
I had a dream that you were with me,
It wasn't my fault.
You rolled me over,
Flipped me over,
Like a somersault.
And that doesn't happen to me.
I've never been here before.
But I saw forever in my never,
And I stood outside her
Heaven.
I stood outside her heaven.
I stood outside her heaven.
Won't you let me into your heaven?

I love this song(Enjoy the Silence by Depeche Mode)

Words like violence
Break the silence
Come crashing in
Into my little world
Painful to me
Pierce right through me
Can't you understand
Oh my little girl

All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They can only do harm

Vows are spoken
To be broken
Feelings are intense
Words are trivial
Pleasures remain
So does the pain
Words are meaningless
And forgettable

All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They can only do harm

Enjoy the silence

Aug 10, 2010 (Opps...I Forgot)

I forgotten to mention this, but on Long Island, when I was living with "Alex" and "Rachel". They asked "Stephan" and I to be Godparents to Lil "Ron". We did it and it was so adorable.
Lil "Ron" gave the priest an high five when said priest raised his hands to pray, we all laughed and then when it came time to pour water on his head, he pointed at it and said the word "Water".

Aug 5, 2010

Well, some good news so far!
Yesterday, Dad met with a lawyer and today had another meeting, if he can get this lawyer to help us, we're going to court.
Fuck, spoke too soon.

Dad just got home and told us that since she owns the building, she can take back the apartment. So all we can do is fight in court to hopefully get 6 months of rent free, so dad can save money so we can get a new apartment.