Aug 20, 2010

If you don't read any new posts is because:

1-Nothing New

2-We are either homeless and/or moved and there isn't a library nearby.

Since I don't have a computer and no internet service(Can't afford either) I always go to the library next door.
But since we have to leave,I might not live near a library and I will have no money to get a metrocard to travel to one.

So this might be farewell for now!

I hope not :(

Crossing fingers for a library nearby x

Aug 15, 2010

"Stephan" told me a very funny story about his best friend "Edgar".
"Edgar's" wife "Daisy" cooked some BBQ chicken and "Edgar" asked "Stephan" Do you think she will notice if I take one?
"Stephan" said Don't do it? I'm telling you she will know.
"Edgar" said Nah, she won't notice.
So he took one and pushed the other chickens together so she won't notice one is missing.
After he ate it, they sat on the sofa in the living room.
"Stephan" was sitting facing "Edgar" when "Daisy" yelled, Who ate a chicken? She walked up to them.
They both were trying so hard not to smile, so not to give themselves away.
It took "Edgar" bursting out laughing for "Stephan" to laugh so hard he was crying!

I love this song(Sound of Pulling Heaven Down by Blue October)

Somewhere, far away from here,
I saw stars, stars that I could reach...(yeah)
It was a midnight, a silent twilight,
Fell down, beyond the ocean beach...(yeah)

I assemble all the sand that cover wedding beaches,
To build a castle so your mom would have a place to stay.
Behind the water slide and down the hill where heaven reaches,
Land and time is left to float away.(yeah)

So rest assured I have the key to every opening,
To every wishing well that's deep enough to dream. (dream)
I want to show you just how fascinating kissing is
When earth collides with all the space between...(yeah)

I'm reaching farther than I ever have before,
Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore.
I may be some sort of crazy,
We may be some sort of crazy,
But I swear on everything I have and more...

So never look behind you, spooky people bring you down.
The world is ending there's a party by the bay.
I'll wear my suit and tie, we're eye to eye,
toasting to the way you put that smile upon my face...(yeah)

Fill up the air balloon and ride with me.
Yeah, hell is jealous of the rain...(rain)
Make love like time and space is ending,
While befriending fate's alluring way of putting us to shame.

I'm reaching farther than I ever have before,
Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore.
I may be some sort of crazy,
We may be some sort of crazy,
But I swear on everything I have and more...

You make the sound of pulling heaven down.
You brought the rain's romantic pour...
You make the sound,
You make the sound,
Of pulling heaven down...

I'm reaching farther than I ever have before,
(God I've reached the top)
Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore.
I may be some sort of crazy,
We may be some sort of crazy,
But I swear on everything I have and more....
(go, go, go, go)

I'm reaching farther than I ever have before,
(Tired of wasting time)
Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore.
(Tired of wasting time)
I may be some sort of crazy,
We may be some sort of crazy,
But I swear on everything I have and more...
(go, go, go, go)

I love this song(Overweight by Blue October)

Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?
I walk as far as they need to recover
For how long? (ha!)

I want to carry a piece of who I was before
So when I hit the wall, I really hit the wall
I want to tear away the death again
A whiter shade of fucking meth again
I want to stick to clues, I want to come unglued
I want to shape the world to fit the way you move
Oh, should I listen for a dress size?

I owned up, I've grown up, do you remember me?
I showed up and so what if I'm the used to be
I'm here to tell you that I'm sorry I was sorry
But I'm happy that you're happiness is no longer about me

Trade rules, switch sides for your beautiful eyes
Let him be you through your beautiful cries
Let him hold you up so you can touch affordable skies
Live your life just like a dream
Without the pain of goodbyes
Goodbye!

Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?
I walk as far as they need to recover
For how long?

I been a drunk disrespectful little street punk
Unlock the back of my trunk
You see, you take this bat
And bash my head into the street again
No-ones around so I keep beating it

Pull my hair back, look me in the eye
There's a self-destructive meaning in the bleeding of a guy
It's the guilt of what reality has given me
Making sense of all mistakes and my stupidity
And when you're sick you seem to think
You've failed eternally

And that the people you let in are only crumbling
When you're sick of thinking life in this recovery
When my decision paved the road
That lies in front of me

So to my friends that even call but I don't call back
I want you deep inside my heart upon a hill
It seems to hide sometimes and run away and wonder
I'm really sick of saying sorry but I will

Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?
I walk as far as they need to recover
For how long?

But are we scared to take the ride?
Or dare to look inside?
I'm floating far away (far away)
I'm floating far away (leaving home)
I'm floating far away (so far away)
I'm floating far away

I want to learn to walk with others as an equal
I want to treat the ones who love me with respect
I want to tell the world I'll give them all a piggyback
And try to take away my negative effect
I want to kiss the girl, I know I'll never lie again
I want to call my dad and tell him that I care
I want to let my brother know
He saved my life a thousand times
Throughout the years he's been my friend
Who's always there

Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?

I love this song(Hate Me by Blue October)

I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape, to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
and will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
and will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space


Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things i didnt do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you


I'm sober now for 3 whole months, it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind



Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you


And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hands
And then I fell down yelling "make it go away" just make a smile
Come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How could you do this to me?"


Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you.


For you
For you
For you

I love this song(Ugly Side by Blue October)

I must have sneezed, on knees I freeze
I mean, I just choked up
But somehow I slept, I dream, I mean
I dreamt of nothing

I'm able to breathe a sweet relief
Now that you're here for me
A northern degree dove into me
Now I'm recovering

I only want you to see
My favorite part of me
And not my ugly side
And not my ugly side, ugly side

So hook up a C.B
Wave a way for conversation flow
I'm shoved in your cage, to wage this rage
Don't let me go

A kick and a scream
Is all that seems to mean a lot, thus far
Yeah, I won't let you on my stage, my page
You can't know, yet you have to know

And that I only want you to see
My favorite part of me
And not my ugly side
And not my ugly side

I only want you to see
My favorite part of me
And not my ugly side
And not my ugly side

So calm, ohh ooh
And it's so calm

And now it's dark
I look for you to light my heart
I'm between the moon and where you are
I know I can't be far

I love this song(My Never by Blue October

Will you think of me,
In time?
It's never my luck,
So nevermind.
I wanna say your name,
But the pain starts
again,
It's never my luck,
So nevermind.

Chorus:
I had a dream that you were with me ,
It wasn't my fault,
You rolled me over,
Flipped me over,
Like a somersault.
And that doesn't happen to me.
I've never been here before.
I saw forever in my never,
And I stood outside her
Heaven.

Will you wait for me,
In time,
It's never my luck,
So I'll say nevermind.
And I've lost a lot of what I
Don't expect to ever return.
I tend to push them 'til the pushing's gone from
hurtin' to burn,
I always take them to that place i thought they wanted
To go.
Than end up dancing 'round,
This clown commands
Applause at a show.....

Chorus:
I had a dream that you were with me,
And it wasn't my fault.
You rolled me over,
Flipped me over,
Like a somersault.
And that doesn't happen to me,
I've never been here before.
I saw forever in my never,
And I stood outside her
Heaven.
Her heaven.
Inside her heaven. Her heaven.....


And I could only dream of you and sleep,
but I'll never see sunlight again.
I can try to be with you,
but somehow I'll end up just losing a friend.
I can only reach for you,
Relate to you.
I'm losing my friend.
Where did she go?
Where?

Chorus:
I had a dream that you were with me,
It wasn't my fault.
You rolled me over,
Flipped me over,
Like a somersault.
And that doesn't happen to me.
I've never been here before.
But I saw forever in my never,
And I stood outside her
Heaven.
I stood outside her heaven.
I stood outside her heaven.
Won't you let me into your heaven?

I love this song(Enjoy the Silence by Depeche Mode)

Words like violence
Break the silence
Come crashing in
Into my little world
Painful to me
Pierce right through me
Can't you understand
Oh my little girl

All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They can only do harm

Vows are spoken
To be broken
Feelings are intense
Words are trivial
Pleasures remain
So does the pain
Words are meaningless
And forgettable

All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They can only do harm

Enjoy the silence

Aug 10, 2010 (Opps...I Forgot)

I forgotten to mention this, but on Long Island, when I was living with "Alex" and "Rachel". They asked "Stephan" and I to be Godparents to Lil "Ron". We did it and it was so adorable.
Lil "Ron" gave the priest an high five when said priest raised his hands to pray, we all laughed and then when it came time to pour water on his head, he pointed at it and said the word "Water".

Aug 5, 2010

Well, some good news so far!
Yesterday, Dad met with a lawyer and today had another meeting, if he can get this lawyer to help us, we're going to court.
Fuck, spoke too soon.

Dad just got home and told us that since she owns the building, she can take back the apartment. So all we can do is fight in court to hopefully get 6 months of rent free, so dad can save money so we can get a new apartment.

Aug 1, 2010

Tonight, I was watching the reruns of the TV show "Grey's Anatomy" and Derek a.k.a McDreamy was talking to Meredith about how is father was robbed for his watch and killed.
It got me thinking about my father and how a long time ago when I was a kid, my dad came home and whispered in Spanish to mom that he was robbed and the lowlife took his wallet and slashed his face(cheek, nose, and hand). My dad came straight home and went to the hospital the next day.
I saw his shirt he wore that night covered in blood!

July 30, 2010

My father still has not gotten a lawyer to fight this eviction.
If he does nothing, we will be homeless.
Since we cannot afford an new apartment.
"Alex" and "Stephan" are doing nothing to help.
I am the only one who got a phone number from 32BJ about legal assistance that no one has called yet.

Also, I had "Stephan's" package redelivered!

July 20, 2010

11:51pm

Today, I did two favors for "Stephan" and I got no appreciation.
I had to pick up a package at the post office and return a book to Borders and get his money back.
When I went to the post office the lady could not find the package, so she had me give her "Stephan's" number to call him for news.

She is going to talk to the mailman/woman to find out what happened.
"Stephan" got into a hissy-fit.
He basically called her stupid and that I should have confronted her and demanded she find the package now!
He knows I am not the kind of person to confront people.
I hate confrontation!

I have never been in a fight in half my life.
I could never yell at someone unless they yelled at me first.
She was so sweet!
Not one Thank You from the ass!
To go to freaking Borders, I had to walk 10 blocks there and back.
I am not a healthy person!

I'm fat and have asthma!

No thanks at all!

That is the last time I ever do anything for him!

Argh! "Stephan" is still demanding I bully the lady from the post office.
He's so annoying!

Sometimes I hate having siblings!!!

I love this song(Have I told you I ache by James Carrington)

Isn't it strange, the way things can change
Life that you lead turned on its head
Suddenly someone means more than you felt before
A house and its yard turns into home
I'm sorry but I meant to say
Many things along the way
So this one's for you

Have I told you I ache, have I told you I ache,
Have I told you I ache, for you...

Have I told you I ache, and I hope it's not too late,
Could I hold you and ache, for you...

Hours that it took, writing words for my book
Seem to have broken in half
The gate that I shut last time I got hurt
Seems to have opened itself
All the world, it's spinning now, it's tryina catch me up
Tell me to appreciate here and now
I'm sorry but I meant to say
So many things along the way
So this one's for you

Have I told you I ache, have I told you I ache,
Have I told you I ache, for you...

Have I told you I ache, and I hope it's not too late,
Could I hold you and ache, for you...

I love this song(Mad World by Matthew Andrews and Gary Jules)

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, Worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, Going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, No expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrows
No tomorrow, No tomorrow

Chorus
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
These dreams in which i'm dying, Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very very
Mad World, Mad World

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And they feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, Sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, No one knew me
Hello teacher tell me whats my lesson
Look right through me, Look right through me

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which i'm dying, Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very very
Mad World, Mad World, Mad World, Mad World...

Enlargen your world

Mad World.

July 16, 2010

I am so disgusted by people today.
I've written about this before on Twitter.
I read on the NY Daily Newspaper, Voice of the People column that three people wrote how the Muslim religion is solely responsible for all terrorist attacks.
One woman even said that Christianity and Jewish religions are peaceful.

Did she or anyone forget that Hitler excused all the cruel,vile things he did to the Jews using Christianity for his purpose, so did the KKK for their own cruelty.
Stop blaming religions for the horrors in the world.
Blame the twisted people who twist peaceful and good religions for their evil purposes.
I don't believe in religion, but I have the respect and decency not to trash anyone
s beliefs!

July 12, 2010

CONGRATS TO ESPANA FOR WINNING THE WORLD CUP!!!

I love this song(Cut by Plumb)

I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore

A fragile FRAME aged
WITH misery
And when our EYES meet
I know you'll see

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut

I may seem crazy
Or painfully shy
And these scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye
I feel alone here and cold here
Though I don't want to die
But the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut
Pain
I am not alone
I am not alone

I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore

But I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I found it when
I was cut